Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
