im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
