I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
