clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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