I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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