and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
