So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
