that's an acceptable place to lick
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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