Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
