You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Who died my cat blue again?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
