alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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