The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
