"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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