is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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