Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
