blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
