omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
