So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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