I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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