I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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