Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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