i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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