You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
