She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize