i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
