do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
