I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
