this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
