I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
