i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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