i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
