New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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