Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
