Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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