He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
