Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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