the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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