The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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