i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
