Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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