i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
