They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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