As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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