we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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