he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
