peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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