Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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