Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
