Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
