so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
