May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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