Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
