bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
