STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
