i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
