I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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