it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've blown a few things in my day
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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