Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
