Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
