I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
