I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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